Wordpress

Just a quickie to say that I am spending most of my time at the moment on my Wordpress blog, so if anyone is reading this just click on http://allanmayer.wordpress.com/ . For some reason I have been getting far more traffic and lots of comments there.
Hello if youhave come here from the Wordpress blog to look at the videos at the side of this blog. To get back there click on the link or the title.





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Two of the 5000

Thanks to Huw Langridge (Go to http://www.huwlangridge.co.uk/blog/ for his views on the YouWriteOn scheme and to hear his FREE audiobook, 'Spireclaw') for the following message through Intensedebate:
'As one of the 5000, I'm really pleased by your post, and I agree wholeheartedly with your motivations, as they reflect mine too. Hats off to you. '

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One of the 5000

So the debate rages on about YouWriteOn and its publishing 5000 books by Christmas venture.
Admittedly, I have been concerned that this could lead to 4999 turkeys being available just in time for christmas (or after, if the cynics are correct.) I obviously don’t include my novel in that number because it is high quality writing and has been crafted and edited over several years. Hopefully, the amount of publicity generated by the critics of YouWriteOn will create more interest and lead the curious to test for themselves whether it is statistically possible for 5000 writers all to be bad.
What I don’t like is the often patronising references to the 5000 and their motives. No, we are not all people who simply want to see our names in print. Some of us have been through the process of submitting to publishers and agents works which we believe in and have worked damned hard on. For us the choice to submit to YouWriteOn comes from the blinkered view of a publishing industry which will not consider anything which cannot be pigeonholed.
Whether or not any of the 5000 will gain any level of success will have to be seen. But if there is only one, then doesn’t that make the odds of success rather better than those of an unconventional novel attempting a conventional route?
For a statement of the arguments against the YouWriteOn scheme see http://howpublishingreallyworks.blogspot.com/2008/09/youwriteon-publishes-5000.html



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A Medical Interlude

Interesting Medical Fact Number 1: I’ve just had a mole removed from my back. No, not a fluffy little creature (I just like the picture, and thought you’d rather see it than a skin blemish.) It changed colour and shape when I was on holiday, so I went to see the Doc, who said it had to come off.
The procedure was painless. And afterwards the Doctor gave me the scissors and other implements he had used. Apparently sterilisation is no longer good enough because of superbugs, so they would only throw them away. It occurs to me that I could commit the perfect crime- all of the clues would point to someone who has access to surgical instruments. And now I’ve told you, I’ll have to kill you… and eat your wife.

Interesting Medical Fact Number 2: My Dad has just had his second knee replacement. The first was done in a BUPA hospital, the second in an NHS hospital. The procedure, the staff, the food and the aftercare were all far superior from the latter.

Interesting Medical Fact Number 3: Seasonal Affective Disorder has kicked in earlier and affected more people this year because the British Summer was duller and grottier than ever. I know, because I get it. I like to keep my blogs lighthearted, so if you want to read more on this subject check out my ezine article at:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Seasonal-Affective-Disorder---A-Personal-Perspective&id=1511457

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You Write On... and on... and on.

Every Christmas the facts and figures are bandied about over how one little old man can possibly find the time to issue presents to all of the children in the world. This year the debate will be overshadowed by how one man (Edward Smith) will manage to make 5000 novels available between the Halloween closing date and the Yuletide target.

Try googling ‘You Write On’ or keywords such as ‘publish, 5000, authors’ and nine times out of ten you will come up with a literary web page or blog which is getting its knickers in a twist. The subject is the offer by You Write on and Legend Press to publish 5000 new authors by Christmas.

The concerns range from motive through anxiety about thousands of poor quality novels being stored electronically, to good novels being lost to larger publishers and doubt about the ability of the operation to put so many books on POD in such a short time.

I have a confession. OK, unfashionable as it would seem to be, I am one of the 5000. And I don’t mean lepers, despite the fact that many sites see us as ‘literary wanabees’ or deluded objects of pity. I am going to publish my novel ‘Tasting the Wind’ through You Write on, and I am going in with my eyes open.

Firstly, although the word ’scam’ has been used, I have tested a few of these (notably the Writers book agency) and this does not have the same flavour. There is no need to part with any money- unless you wish to buy an ISBN number- whereas you don’t have to look too far into the real scams before you are asked to show your commitment to your work by getting out your cheque book.

And yes, of course Legend Press will make money from this- why shouldn’t they? It has been pointed out that if the author is the only person to buy their novel (which in some cases may be true) then only Legend Press stands to gain. Look up the number 5000 on sites about publishing, and it comes up as the number required for a successful print run for a small publishing company.And yes, the novels are not chosen on merit- it’s the first 5000 to email. So why is this any different to self publishing?Critics have also questioned the charge for an ISBN number of £39.99. Several POD and self-publishing sites charge more than this. Yes, You Write On will get them far cheaper through buying in bulk, but I only want one number, and I don’t have the money to self-publish on my own.

Is it me, or do the criticisms seem strange when we accept the dictates of a publishing industry which sees books as ‘units’ to be moved and is guided by what will sell rather than what is good?
Yes, there will be a number of people who are deluded about their abilities, but there will also be a number in which I would like to count myself, who have created a book of which they are proud, but which current profit orientated publishing trends will prevent from ever seeing the light of day.

The trend is for genre, and if you might have written a work of genius, but if it cannot be easily pigeonholed the big publishers will not touch it. Earlier this year I wrote to Dean Koontz and asked for advice. His letter recommended that new wrtiters go for the ‘high concept novel.’ My second novel will be, but my first is from the heart, revised over ten years and I believe in it. But when you send it to agents you get the standard letter which gives no idea about how far it is from what is required. You Write On do not appear to be a tin pot organisation. They have Arts Council Funding and affiliations to the literary and publishing world which include Random House. Some of their authors have gone on to clinch deals with the bigger companies.Let’s put it another way. I once received a rejection letter from an agent which said that they received three hundred manuscripts per week but only took on three writers per year. So for every 15,600 submissions only three are accepted. Chances are at least one of the 5000 You Write On authors will get noticed, so the odds are better than going through an agent. And is £39.99 to get onto Amazon so much when you add up all of those postage stamps to send your manuscript to agents with return postage?

So yes, I’m going ahead with it, and when my novel is published I will be adding a link to all of my networking sites. I will also be talking to my local children’s hospice who will receive 50% of my royalties. So if you are reading this please buy 'Tasting the Wind' when it is available. Not only can I guarantee you a good read- some of your money will be going to a good cause and not to a big publisher. How good will that feel?



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writeon

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Writeon
September 24, 2008
I’ve just received an email from Dominic Took, author of ‘Storms of Acaias’ about an arts council project through ‘You Writeon’ to publish the first 5000 writers to apply. I responded, and have been accepted, so if things go to plan ‘Tasting the Wind’ will be available in paperback by Christmas.
The only references so far that I’ve found on the net are from the states. They are asking if it is ‘Print on Demand’ similar to Lulu. It does appear to be so, as the paperback is only available through the website or, if you pay a small fee, from Amazon and certain bookshops.
Significantly, some of their authors havde attracted the attention of bigger publishers, and part of the contract is that you are not bound to Writeon if any mainstream publisher notices you. So I am trying it out. Watch this space.
If you are interested then click on this link:
http://www.youwriteon.com/info/info/welcome-to-youwriteoncom-sponsored-by-arts-council-england.aspx

Stumbleupon

If you haven't stumbled upon it yet I would highly recommend 'Stumbleupon.' All you have to do is Google it, download the tool bar and fill in the questionnaire about your interests, and when you click 'Stumble' you will be presented with a page geared to what you are into. I have subjects such as writing, literature and humour in my list. It can be quite addictive, and I've also stumbled on pages with free writing resources such as:


50 Awesome Open Source Resources for Online Writers
http://www.jobprofiles.org/library/students/50_awesome_open_source_resources_for_online_writers.htm

Writers' Digest 101 Best Sites
http://www.writersdigest.com/101BestSites/

and 'Authortree'
http://www.authortree.com/About%20AuthorTree

You also find little gems like this:

19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn
By Dave Barry...

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
16. “The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought you'd like that. Til next time...

The Great Equivocator

The Great Equivocator
August 22, 2008
Alcohol- the cause and solution of all our problems, as Homer Simpson once said. There is a strange relationship between alcohol and writing, a stereotype which goes something like this: the tortured author, poet, or hack, sitting in his garret over his typewriter (wordprocessor doesn’t quite fit this ‘romantic’ image) churning out volumes of original thoughts, his creativity enhanced by the juice of the barley or grape or whatever comes to hand.
The epitome of this is perhaps the poet, Dylan Thomas. Apparently when asked what he liked about being drunk he said something like ‘because it’s different everytime,’ (Thomas fans please correct me- it usually happens when I mention a writer I know little about!) Funny that- I like a drink but to me the aftereffect is sort of samey most of the time.
Stephen King in ‘On Writing’ does a lot to explode the myth about alcohol and creativity, in a passage which is well worth the read to see how a truly successful author recognised and conquered the demon.
Truth is, if you write something whilst under the influence you will probably feel that you have just written the most original and creative piece in the history of writing. Until the next morning.
Although I have never had an ‘alcohol problem’ I would be lying to say that I don’t enjoy a drink. Recently I went for my ‘middle-aged fat boy test’ (or Glucose tolerance test as they call it) and was found to be prediabetic. This means that I have had to make some lifestyle changes.
Which leads me to some dietary advice for those of you wishing to cut down on your alcohol intake:
Buy Morrisons or Tesco Value Lager- doesn’t matter which. The advantages are:
. It only costs about 92p, so helps you save money in the credit crunch
. It is only about 2% proof
. Each can has only about 0.9% alcohol
. It tastes like shite, so one can will last you all night.
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!

Missing: One Goat

LOST

Has anybody seen this goat?



Works hard. Eats little. Sadly missed


I'm sure it can't be me, but since I started blogging it seems that every time I find a useful service it soon disappears. As chronicled in earlier episodes of this blog, I entrusted my work to Golgonooza then realised that the site had died. Earlier this year I submitted my novel to 'The Frontlist' to find that it was not accepting new submissions. It still isn't.
Now, that most useful of sites to the blogger, Pingoat, has been sending a message back for weeks that it is closed for maintenance.

Does this mean that it will return, a mega-strong, all powerful super-goat, sweeping away all that stand in its path...

In the meantime, there are alternatives: 'Ping my Blog,' 'Ping-o-Matic,' and 'Pingates.'
But there is still no sign of the goat. Any clues where it might be?

Strange but True (2) CUTE?

This is my 'promotional picture' take 342. (It took me ages to get one that looked 'cute.')

I've been adding my details to all sorts of social networking sites with a view to promoting my writing. An unexpected side effect of this has been the number of e-mails I've received (particularly from Bebo) from women who want to complete my sexual education.

The funny thing is that each time I've been asked to delve into my Bebo inbox (oo-er matron) I've found myself thinking 'could this be a publisher...' only to click and find that it's Kylie, or Sheena, or Lola, and that they are all feeling horny... for me!

I was even thinking of unsubscribing from FaceBook, which seems to be sending me increasingly juvenile notifications. But then I got one which said that I had been 'reviewed for dating' and that one person considered me 'Cute.'

Then I got this absolute gem:

In total, you were reviewed for dating 84 times and one person expressed interest in you. You are more desirable than 44% of 37,372,809 people. Recently you were viewed 8 times and no people expressed interested in you

Wow! How reassuring is that! There are more than 44% of almost forty million people who are bigger mingers than me. Thanks FaceBook, I will sleep well tonight.

Cute? This is what I really look like...

(This is me 'on the pull')

Strange but True (3) DaDisney Revisited

A few blogs ago I had a bit of a rant about what I considered to be duff advice about how to create characters in novels, and wrote a skit called 'The DaDisney Code,' in an attempt to spread an internet ruimour that Dan Brown based his characters on the seven dwarves. Maybe it was a little silly, a little surreal. But it was just a bit of fun.

I have since found that I did not invent the connection, and would have known that if I had been a little more attentive in my reading of the Da Vinci Code.

Apparently there is a long passage which claims that Walt Disney subscribed to the ideas expressed in Da Vinci (i.e.that the church suppressed information about Mary Magdalene having a child by Jesus- sorry one person who hasn't seen/read it) and sprinkled his films with references to this belief.

Unlikely? Then why does this picture, the 'Penitent Magdalene' by seventeenth-century artist Georges de la Tour...

...appear in this one, from Disney's 'The Little Mermaid?'









Hmmm... makes you think doesn't it? But before we get carried away, it's good to remember what my old theology lecturer taught me about signs and symbols: signs have one-to-one correspondence to the thing they represent. Symbols mean different things to different people. It's a good job that road signs only have one interpretation- although I do sometimes wonder.



That particular lecturer could find 'Tree of Life' symbolism in almost any icon he was presented with, but never once referred to any phallic significance- perhaps that was because he was also a Methodist Minister.


Returning to 'The Little Mermaid,' there is a rumour that a symbol has been added by the artist to the picture below. Look closely at the tower...




Closer...



Closer still...




Yes, it is for real. Rumour has it that it was added by an artist who found that he was about to lose his job with Disney. But Stopes, that debunker of Urban and internet myth, has tracked the guy down, and he says it was nothing of the sort and that no resemblance was intended.
Thanks, Stopes, for spoiling a great story. I really wanted to believe that. I bet they're hot on the trail of the guy who painted the Turin Shroud.

BUT... doesn't this open up an even greater mystery? I mean, when the artist sketched out the tower, when he added colour, carefully highlighting the glistening erection... did it totally escape his notice that he had just painted a giant golden ****?

Or is it just another example of the tree of life?

Strange but True (1)

I've been submitting to ezine articles on the subject of writing and publishing, and have gained a modest readership. I decided that I would also add an article about house rabbits. It went straight in at the top as my most read article. Could it be that articles and blogs about writing are reaching saturation point, whereas there is a niche market for advice on rabbits?

In that case, here is a photo of two cuddly bunnies who used to share my home....

Holiday Reading

I’ve just had a short break from blogging for two very disparate reasons.

One is the addition to our previously adults- only home of a foster child. It’s been a tiring week, but rewarding, and I’m beginning to realise what I’ve been missing out on. It’s a great thing to be able to share in a child’s imagination, and within a week I am an expert on ‘Spongebob Squarepants,’ can name several of the aliens in ‘Ben Ten,’ and am now sharing my life with someone who can out talk me on the delights of Dr. Who.

The other reason was that before our lives changed forever, we took a fortnight’s holiday on the tranquil island of Menorca.

I was tempted to do some writing, but instead took the opportunity to do some holiday reading which, as a writer, always doubles up as research.

I consider myself a slow reader, which means that over a fortnight I will read three books. My wife, who has never attended a speed reading course, finds it quite natural to read one book per day. They say that it’s something to do with ‘the voice in your head.’ Mine tends to read every word at the same speed that I would read it out loud. Apparently speed readers don’t have this. I’ve tried it, but always revert to the voice, and I’m aware that sometimes it even wanders from the story- This reminds me of when… I could use that technique… is this leading to- and so on.
So, like I say, I’ll read three books. This year it was: ’The Rachel Papers’ by Martin Amis, ‘Time’ By Stephen Baxter, and ‘Lightning’ by Dean Koontz.

I have read, I think, most of Amis’ output, but somehow managed to avoid this, his first novel. I have to admit that I didn’t enjoy enjoy ‘The Rachel Papers’ as much as other Amis novels, but I suspect that this may be more to do with changes in my own tastes. You cannot deny the artistry of his writing and the honesty of his observations on relationships. ‘The Rachel Papers’ is so clearly a product of a pre HIV world, where STDs are an unfortunate and darkly amusing occupational hazard of the lothario. His descriptions are designed to leave lasting impressions, and are a lesson to writers in the employment of all the senses. Sex, in an Amis novel, seems to be described by smell more than any other sense.

As a person who has worked with people with learning disabilities for over twenty years, it was interesting to be reminded that we used to call people ‘mongols.’ I comforted myself with the fact that they didn’t know any better then, and that the word was used by a lead character that I didn’t particularly like.

If I can’t honestly recommend ‘The Rachel Papers’ (Which probably brands me as some sort of pleb) I would be happier to direct readers to two other Amis novels, ’London Fields’ and ‘Time’s Arrow.’ The latter is an amazing achievement where the principal character emerges from the darkness of death to relive his life backwardards.

Now when I say backwards I’m not delving back into my ‘1970’s Thesaurus of odd ways of referring to learning disability,’ (the same one that contains ‘mongol.’) The guy actually lives his life backwards, walking backwards, regurgitating food onto his fork, and using the toilet in a highly original way. But before he eventually disappears back into the maternal vagina we learn something shocking about his background.

My second holiday reading book was ‘Lightning’ by Dean Koontz. Probably not one of his better known novels, but definitely a good time travel yarn, about a woman who has a ‘Guardian Angel’ who appears at times of danger. ‘Lightning’ has all of the Koontz trade marks- mystery, mixed genre, strong sympathetic characterisation and, in the midst of the tension and horror, a strong ethic. Although the main protagonist was female, she was a writer, and as a writer I was very interested in the autobiographical details of the writing and publishing process.

Like the Amis book, I didn’t actually buy ‘Lightning.’ I imagine it’s standard practice in most hotels these days that there are tables, shelves, and sometimes libraries, where people can leave their books, once read. This year we depended upon there being some sort of book exchange at the hotel, because of the changes in weight allowance. Fortunately, especially for my wife, who normally takes fourteen books, there were two large bookcases.

At one point I found myself wondering how many other holidaymakers were doing the same, and if this is having an impact upon traditionally high seasonal sales. Then I turned over on my sun bed, thought ’sod ‘em,’ and carried on reading my second hand book.

My third book was ‘Time,’ by Stephen Baxter. Science fiction was my first love, and Baxter is rightly acclaimed as the successor to such intelligent writers as Asimov and Clarke.
‘Time’ is a great adventure story, but at the same time looks at how we will populate the universe, and what will happen if human life (or what evolves from it) is still existing when the Universe is drawing to a close. Baxter’s research is thorough, and there is a list of sources, showing that even some of the most bizarre ideas- such as the possibility of genetically enhanced squid being sent on a mission to Earth’s second moon- have a basis in fact. And yes, that was something else the book taught me- Earth does have a second moon.

So, as you can see, my holiday reading was nothing if not varied. I always find it refreshing to have that double escape: the first to a good hotel in a warm climate, the second into the world of a well-written book. One was considerably cheaper than the other.

I returned home to find that the hits on my YouTube channel had doubled, meaning that someone out there is listening to my talking book. In the pile of bills and junk mail there were no letters from literary agents- neither were there any thick brown envelopes of returned submissions. Either they’re overwhelmed with submissions, or they’re feverishly negotiating with publishers and film companies… or maybe they’re just on holiday.

Me and Dean Koontz

Another useful tip I got through confidence coaching was to find a model of excellence- a writer you admire and want to be like.

I don't know why I struggled so much to find mine. I enjoy the work of Martin Amis, although my writing is not of that literary bent, and I can't identify with Amis's background. J.K. Rowling was suggested, but I thought a model who wrote closer to my genre (sort of thriller) would be more appropriate.

Then it struck me- a successful writer who strays between genres, whose technique I admire and sometimes consciously emulate is Dean Koontz.

I told Lynn Grocott, my confidence coach, that I had identified my model of excellence and she said: 'Right. Now you need to stalk him.'

'What?'

'Stalk him. Track him down any way you can, find out what got him where he is and do what he did.'

There are websites which will give you, sometimes at a small cost, addresses of celebrities including writers or their agents. When I found Dean Koontz's address it looked sort of familiar- and I realised that I had actually seen it before in several of his books. Dean actually wants people to write to him- this was going to be easy stalking. But would he reply?

I wrote my letter, beginning 'Dear Mr. Koontz...' (I don't think overfamiliarity is respectful,) thanked him for the pleasure I'd derived from his work and commented on his positive portrayal of people with learning disabilities.

I then went on to explain that I had written a novel, would appreciate any advice, and would he maybe like to see a section...

Then I posted it.

About three weeks later an envelope arrived from the States. It was packed with articles and pamphlets about writing and about Koontz's work, and contained not only one but two letters.

The first leter said that he was busy so had to send out a standard response, although the signature ('for what it's worth') was his. But under the signature, in the same handwriting, was a note to see attached letter.

The second letter explained that his attourney forbade him to comment on anyone's writing. That is understandable- I would be the first to submit to a publisher with a letter which said Dean Koontz liked it.

The rest of the letter advised that anyone writing their first book is better to concentrate on the 'High Concept novel.' The high concept novel is something which can be described in two sentences which will make a publisher salivate. The example he gave was 'Jurassic Park':

Scientists have created dinosaurs. Now they are loose.

One example of a high concept Dean Koontz novel is 'Velocity,' although he admits that at his level he is free to experiment.

So that is the advice from the master: the high concept novel. I am currently working on one: 'Legion's Daughter,' at the same time as trying to publish 'Tasting the Wind.'

Since writing to Dean Koontz I have also discovered his excellent website. Amongst other things it contains podcasts of Dean talking about his experiences as a writer, and they are well worth a listen. Although the cynical would say that it is excellent marketing and self-promotion I would like to think that this is a writer who looks after his fan base.

Someone once said that successful people are not to be looked up to, but looked into. Choose your model of excellence, find out all that you can, write to them, if possible interview them, then do what they did.

They made it. Why shouldn't you?


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Me and Dr. Who

It may not pay immediately, or at all, but if you want to publish your thoughts to a potentially huge international audience, you can do so here and now.

Blogs are one example, another is the ezine.

I am an 'expert author' on ezines.com (not to be mistaken for the subtly different 'ezine.com,' which you have to pay for.)



See- I even got a badge!

All you have to do is write an article on a subject about which you are passionate (or at least know something about,) and upload it.

Your first articles will take about a week to appear (after that you get upgraded to platinum, and it's a shorter process.) All work is edited to make sure that it adheres to their rules of publication.
The editors are very strict about the rules, which is a good thing, because it means that people are not disrespecting their readers, and children are not going to read things they shouldn't.

I once tested one of the rules, and was found guilty. I sent in an article based on a Blog I'd written about different writers' approaches. I'd mentioned that some writers start at the beginning and, with no plan, go where the novel takes them. My comment was that 'I couldn't write like that as long as I'd got a hole in my ****, or if you're American ***.'
The article took a little longer to go through the editorial process than others had, so I guessed that there may have been some debate about my asterisks (no pun intended.)

Eventually I got an email which said that I had contravened a rule by including a serious profanity in my article. I'm not sure whether they meant ****, or ***, so removed both, resubmitted, and it was immediately published.

Another rule regards self-publicity. A blog can be unashamedly self-publicising and narcissistic. I could publish pages of:

memememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememe...
and it would stay there. An ezine article has to be about a subject other than yourself.

You are, however, allowed to put in two 'self-serving' links to other sites.

At first I submitted articles purely about writing. These had links to my Blog and YouTube videos. I then decided to write an article about another interest of mine- house rabbits.

Now although I enjoy sharing knowledge (and it is a nice feeling for a writer to know that someone somewhere is reading his stuff, whatever it's about) the main reason for my web presence is to get my novel 'Tasting the Wind' out there.

But there is nothing more annoying than finding that an interesting article has links which are nothing to do with the subject, and are probably trying to sell you something.
So on my House Rabbit article I have put one link, which is to my MySpace page, where you can see pictures and videos of cuddly bunnies. Oh... and you can hear or read the prologue to my novel... but that just happens to be there...

Another thing that you are asked not to do with your ezine articles is reproduce your Blog, because if one of your links is your blog page then it's a little bit boring for your readers to be directed from your articles to identical content.
I have to admit to doing this at first, although I have tried now to add some variation, hence the House Rabbit article.

One Blog which I turned directly into an article was my 'DaVinci Code' parody, 'The DaDisney Code.' Interestingly, this got the most immediate hits and the greatest number of URL clicks- most of them checking, I imagine, if I was still roaming the street and, if so, was I in their neighbourhood.

The lesson, I think, is that referring to big names and well known reference points such as Dan Brown and the DaVinci code will draw more attention than 'Allan Mayer's ideas on writing.'
Which brings me to Dr. Who. The new series is currently approaching its climax on British Television. The show is so big that Dr.Who is ranking very highly as a top search on Google. So... my current ezine submission which, as I write this, is pending publication, is about Dr. Who.
I have added one link, which is my website. Which just happens to mention 'Tasting the Wind.'

Did I tell you that I'd written a novel...?




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Generating Web Traffic

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

YouWhat?

It was a guy called David Hyner http://www.stretchdevelopment.com/ that came up with the suggestion that I record excerpts of 'Tasting the Wind' and upload them onto YouTube.

The idea was that I put several chapters on to the site, and that this would eventually generate sales. These could be hard copy (once I'd got some hard copies) or ebooks.

My first thought was that I hadn't got a camera and couldn't afford one. So I sat on the idea for a couple of weeks. Then it occurred to me that I did have a Skype set, which consisted of a webcam and microphone.

Until that point I didn't know if a skype set could record- but it can. And it was inexpensive: I had purchased mine at Argos for £20.

You can choose what you want to show on YouTube- a film of you reading, or something else. For two good reasons I chose something else.

Firstly, YouTube made me look like a fat, bearded slaphead. Which is strange, because in real life I actually look like Brad Pitt.

Secondly, the still which people have to click onto to see your video is taken at random from your submission, so you can guarantee that you will have been caught at the split second when your expression was that of a mentally deranged axe murderer.

So I opted for my videos to show a single screen, which is different versions of my book cover. As the book is not published yet I had to design my own (something you will have to do anyway if you publish through a Print on Demand site such as Lulu.com.)

Think what would represent your book. You can use your own artwork or photography, if you're that way inclined, or get pictures from Google images. You will need a photo imaging programme which allows you to cut, paste and merge images- as long as you are creative and avoid anything with a copyright.

I chose to have a grey victorian instituion as the backdrop for a bright red balloon, which has some symbolic significance in the novel.

Not appearing on the 'video' can also be an advantage in that it can improve your voice. As no one can see you you can act it out- pull faces, throw your arms around- whateverer it takes to get some drama and changes of tone into your reading. (If you have written your book using a word processor it is useful to read from the screen to free up your hands and to avoid rustling paper.)

All you have to do now is to get a YouTube account, which is free, and upload your video- or in this case talking book.

Simple as that. Well not quite...

It's no use having parts of your book sitting on YouTube if no one's going to look at it.

Next: generating web traffic.







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A Question of Confidence

My 2007 copy of the 'Writers' and Artists' Year Book' is full of useful articles by published authors. I haven't got the 2008 version, but I can guarantee that even though they say that the content changes every year the message will be the same: If you want to get your book onto the shelves you need tenacity, staying power, and a positive mental attitude.

Funny how none of them mention the mental attributes of a box of frogs...

I remember the day I completed my novel, thinking naively that I would send it off, maybe get a few rejections, but that by this time next year...
When it doesn't happen it is easy to get disheartened. Read accounts of how bestselling writers went through the same. Stephen King's 'On Writing' is a good one.

In the 2007 Writers' and Artists' Yearbook J.K. Rowling tells of how getting rejection slips made her feel like a real writer. I feel so sorry for her not having the chance to feel that way again that I'm going to send her some of mine in return for her fortune and movie franchise.

I have found confidence coaching a useful tool. (For more information go to http://thelynngrocottacademy.bravehost.com/coaching.html or read Lynn's book, 'Cut the Strings.')

What I would highly recommend is that you find a confidence coach. You can read about the techniques, but there is no substitute for having a real live person helping you along. These days this doesn't have to be face to face- Lynn Grocott coaches by phone, by email and through Skype.

One of the main tools that I have used is the pyramid. Draw a pyramid with lots of bricks with room to write in. Put your goal at the top- e.g. 'I want to see my book on Amazon.' This is what you are working towards. Do you believe that? If so you will be working towards that until you achieve it, or for the rest of your life- whichever comes first.
The bricks at the bottom will contain those things you need to do first- e.g., if you've not already done so, write the novel. Others will be about research you have to do, browsing publishers websites, completing your synopsis and application letter etc.
Many publishers these days like to see that a writer can help market themselves, so marketing should come in there somewhere.
Your pyramid will be topped by a massive goal, but the steps below will be things that are easy to achieve. And as you achieve them cross them off or highlight them. This is really helpful when you feel like your goal is a long way off.
And do something every day. You may think that you don't have time. That something may be a five minute phone call, or a browse on the internet for writing or publishing sites. It all feeds into the pyramid and gets you a little closer to your goal.


GOOD LUCK

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With a little help from my friends.

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Once upon a time in Fairy Dairy land a man wrote a book. It was a special book because it contained a little bit of his heart and a lot of his soul. He tried to get it published, but no one would believe in the book like he did.

One day he found a bottle, and when he rubbed it a genie popped out, who turned out to be an author. The Genie sent the man's book to her publisher, they published the book, and the man lived happily ever after.

Of course it doesn't happen like that in the real world. I had been reunited with my old friend, Lynn Grocott, who had already published. She got me in contact with her publisher, Lean Marketing, who were very helpful and encouraging, but as a small publishing house only specialised in specific titles and subjects. I got an email explaining that at present they were after books about people making their home in Spain. As 'Tasting the Wind' is about people with learning disabilities and a psychopathic nurse, I couldn't find a single link between it and Spain (although Spain must have its fair share of both,) so gave up on that one.

Lynn passed my details on to several of her contacts in the world of publishing and PR. The publishing contacts didn't handle my sort of material, but I suddenly felt like a serious writer- emailing and phoning publishers and PRs for advice. After the years of writing and rejection slips I was getting quite a buzz from this.

Now for a bit of name dropping.

The networking in which I was suddenly involved was linked to the confidence coaching process (more on this in a later blog.) Lynn told me of a friend of hers who had become a successful author through using the methods she was teaching me.

Soon I was in touch with Andy Cope. Admittedly I had never heard of him at that point, but if you have children you may have done. Andy is the author of the 'Spy Dog' series; he is presently working on Spy Dog 5.

Andy wrote to me with some good advice (again, his agent couldn't help me because he specialised in children's literature, but hey, I'm communicating with another published author here!) and he asked if he could be my 'Critical Buddy.' I sent him a copy of 'Tasting the Wind,' which he is wading through at the moment. His reaction has been very positive and encouraging, although he admits to preferring lighter reading. But thanks, Andy, for taking the trouble.

The main point I want to make here is the value of networking. Writing can be a lonely process, and the struggle to find a publisher can be even more lonely and demoralising. The internet abounds with information from and about writers, and linking up with people who are either travelling your way or who have arrived there can make the difference between carrying on or just lying down in the road.

I was in W.H. Smiths one day. Looking at the childrens' books I picked out the 'Spy Dog,' series. It seemed bizarre that in my pocket was a copy of an email from its author.

I turned around and looked at the adult books. Finding 'M' I made a space.

One day my book will be there.

Cut the Strings.

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PREVIOUSLY ON 'ONE WAY OR AN AUTHOR...'

Allan is having a lousy year, when suddenly he receives a message: 'Can We Join Forces.'

I wrote back. It turned out that Lynn Grocott was someone I had known quite well through both school and church, but hadn't seen for over thirty years.

Lynn had written a book called 'Cut the Strings.' I was shocked to discover that it was about, amongst other things, the horrific abuse she suffered as a child. I was shocked because I remembered this bright, happy go lucky girl in her early teens, and never suspected that her tears at the end of Church camp were not only because a good time was ending, but because she now had to return to a house of horrors.

I thought that writing my book and trying to get it published had been a difficult task. Lynn's apprenticeship as an author had been a life of suffering.

But that wasn't her only reason for writing. Despite all of the cards being stacked against her (her parents committed suicide, she contracted MS,) she is now one of the most positive and life-affirming people you could ever meet.

Lynn's life was turned around through confidence coaching. Now I have always maintained a fair share of cynicism regarding this sort of system, but I was suddenly confronted by someone I knew, someone who had been through so much, but who was positive, hopeful, and could still experience joy in abundance.

We started to exchange regular emails, catching up and reminiscing about our shared background. For weeks I either forgot to mention that I had written a novel, or when I did think to say I felt guilty that I had originally accepted the contact because I thought it might further my ambitions.

Then came the day that I did mention it, and Lynn asked if she could be of any help. From that point my approach to getting my novel out there has taken me in so many new and interesting directions. These will be the subject of my next blogs.

Available on Amazon

Find out more at: http://thelynngrocottacademy.bravehost.com/index.html

Help... There's a Mad Woman in my Tardis!

2007 was an annus horribilis...

Things just seemed to go wrong. I actually put a blog on my MySpace page entitled 'Victor Meldrew Week,' because of the number of times in one week I said the words 'I don't believe it!'

People I cared for died. I was in a car accident which wrote off my car and left me with whiplash. My wife had to leave her Primary School Headship due to ill health. My hobby of amateur dramatics had for one reason or another stopped being fun, and I seemed to be getting nowhere in my quest to publish 'Tasting the Wind.'

I felt a need to make changes, to regenerate, but didn't know where the energy to do so was going to come from. I haven't mentioned yet a sad fact about my life which is my obsession with the T.V. programme Dr. Who. I find the idea of regeneration fascinating, and think of it as a modern myth representing the changes that we all need to make at points in our lives in order not just to stay alive but to really live.

The other thing I haven't mentioned is that some years ago I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. I don't know if it was anything to do with the fact that the Summer of that year had failed to happen, but when it got to October my SAD symptoms kicked in with a vengeance- tiredness, low mood, anxiety. It's like watching twenty four hour reruns of 'Eastenders.'

It was sometime in November when I was checking my emails that I found that someone had sent me a message through MySpace.

It was entitled 'Can we join forces?'

The message claimed to be from someone called Lynn, who went to the same school as me, and now wanted to be my friend on MySpace. l wasn't in the mood for making friends with anyone. I remembered David Tennant's Doctor, grieving after leaving Rose in a parallel universe, (non-afficianados please bear with me) then suddenly finding that there was a strange mad woman in his Tardis.

That's all I need- a stalker.

I popped downstairs to refill my glass, and mentioned the message to my wife. She suggested it might be someone after money.

Of course! The profile mentioned fundraising.

Then I saw it. This lynn was not only a fundraiser, she was a public speaker. And not only that. She was an author. A published one. Someone who had been published was trying to contact me...
TO BE CONTINUED...

Vanity... Vanity... all is... not Vanity (or so it would appear.)

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I referred previously to Johnboy and his unwitting stumble into vanity publishing. I won't be dealing with that subject here- just Google 'Vanity Press' and you will find endless websites and blogs with a message which can be summed up in three words: don't do it!
What I'm more interested in here are the ways in which the internet has created a new environment for people to make money from the writer's desire to get published.

The first rule to apply is never to part with money. Not that all services that ask for money are disreputable- some will provide you with a professional critique at a cost, with no catches. I myself paid for one from Golganooza, and from frontlist (My experiences are chronicled elsewhere in this blog.)

The internet has also opened the way for print on demand (POD.) What POD does is cut out the need for expensive print runs, as a book is only printed when someone orders it. Your book is stored electronically. Publication: guaranteed, no cost: guaranteed, sales... well.

One criticism of POD is that if you look at what is available in this format you will not have heard the names of any of the writers. Although sites may promote your book, they do not have behind them the vast marketing resources of the big Publishing houses.

But it does mean that you could publish now, even if it means that your only readers are your friends. A very popular site is 'Lulu.' You can also upload your work to Amazon Kindle. This is a new e-book reader which promises to be as easy on the eye as paper. We have yet to see if readers will embrace this over the centuries-old paper book. In my opinion I don't think that we should underestimate the sensory satisfaction gained from the feel and the smell of a book.

In an episode of Star Trek, when Captain Jean Luc Picard was on leave, he sat reading a book. The creative minds behind the series obviously felt that whatever the technological advances we will still be reading books made of paper. And It looked sort of right.


Continuing my quest for an agent over the internet I came across what looked like a promising company calling themselves the 'Writers Book Agency.'

They said that they were different to other agents in that they worked closely with promising writers, giving support and feedback which would get their work to a publishable standard.

I sent my letter, synopsis and opening chapters and, whoopy-do, they were interested.

They said things to allay my fears, like not asking for the whole book. They said that they had got four books published- surely, I thought, if this were a scam they would not claim such a modest number.

So I applied one of my tests- I googled 'Writers Book Agency review.' What it brought up was an interesting debate- one in which the Writers Book Agency were taking part- about the integrity of the company.

The question was raised as to why the WBA never revealed the identities of those they had taken to publication. It also emerged that after a series of very wordy emails the WBA suggested that writers pay for an independent reading of their work. The implication was that the 'independent' readers recommended were actually WBA by another name.

I will withold judgement, but we have here an agent who won't tell you which published authors they represent (the agents in the writers and artist's yearbook list their clients) and which inevitably asks you to part with money. They even implied that unwillingness to spend some money on the process indicated lack of belief.

This exploitation of the needs and insecurities of the unpublished writer doesn't seem that far removed from the methods of the Vanity Press.

And yes, I got my email, saying that they wished to take me on, and recommending people who would, at a price, read my work. I ignored it. Who knows- this may be a genuine outfit which has helped four people achieve their dream. But if it is not a scam, why doesn't it realise that it is going around around dressed as one?

Has anyone out there seen Frontlist ?

After a chance encounter in the Apocalyptic wastelands of Golganooza, I went to the highly recommended 'Frontlist.'

Now this is kosher- it even got a mention in the 'Writers' and artists' yearbook.

You upload your synopsis and sample chapters. These are reviewed by others who have sent in their work.

In return, you have to review the contributions of five other writers. This involves commenting on aspects such as idea, characterisation and appeal. You then score them on each of the selected areas, and if you get above a certain mark your work is then passed on to a publisher. You get sent your result, and the only time you have to part with money (£10) is if you want to view your critiques.

The up side is that you get to see the work of other people who are trying to get their novels published, and they get to see and comment on yours.

The down side... is exactly the same as the up side.

I received one piece which I thought might have appeal. The other four were of very poor quality.

Nevertheless, I tried to empathise (after all, we all have the same dream,) and started, as you should, with picking out the positives. For one of them, all I managed was 'I will never forget the scene where the main character sat, wearing a gas mask, enjoying the mass suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.'

I also gave some advice on which authors I thought might provide good models. Having done that I was disappointed to find that not all of the other reviewers had taken the same amount of trouble. Although I had made some naive mistakes (like submitting too short a synopsis and two chapters which were too far apart in the book to make sense in isolation) I did not think that my submission warranted the comment made by one 'reviewer' in the 'appeal' column, where he wrote 'none at all.' I consoled myself with the thought that he was the author of the dross to which I had given my lowest score.

I am not averse to criticism, but I did wonder if some of the writers hadn't quite entered into the spirit of things, and just wanted to get their own reviews without contributing much to the Frontlist community.

Otherwise, I must admit, I sort of like the 'Frontlist' idea. That is why I rewrote my synopsis, and submitted it with the first two chapters. You don't have to pay anything if you don't want to, and I still like the idea of writers helping oneanother out by passing on advice from wherever they are in the learning curve.

But... whereas before I started to receive my pieces to review almost immediately, this time they didn't arrive. I went back to the site, and found a note which said that due to a backlog of reviews they were not presently accepting any more submissions.

I gathered when I first used Frontlist that often reviews had to be chased up, so can't help but wonder if the tardiness of contributors has caused the process to grind to a halt.
After my experiences with the Golganooza site I sincerely hope that this is just a blip, and not the beginning of the end of another worthy internet publishing experiment.

Check it out at: http://www.thefrontlist.com/




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I am Legend... I was King of Golganooza

These days, thanks to technology, there are lots of things a writer can do when the constant round of sending out manuscripts and getting them returned with rejection slips is starting to become tedious.

At one time if you couldn't get published conventionally there was either self- publishing (which is by no means a modern phenomenon*) or the Vanity Press.
Anyone remember Johnboy, his look of pride as he unpacked boxes of hardbound books with his name on the spine- until he realised that he had to foot the bill?

Of course, we're too sophisticated to fall for something like that, aren't we? The problem these days is that there are other traps for the unwary- but also more opportunities in an alternative publishing world which is still in its infancy.

I will chronicle my forages into cyberspace publishing chronologically, and where possible leave you to make your own judgements.



Occasionally I will rant. Sometimes it takes me that way.

One of the first things I did was enter a competition in the Writers and Artists' yearbook. The prize was publication. I never heard anything, so I didn't win.

More recently I sent my novel to 'Macmillan New Writers.' The advantage of this is that you can upload your entire novel (which they promise to delete from their files if you are unsuccessful.) They say that if you've not heard from them within twelve weeks... now how long ago was that?

One of my earliest attempts to publish via an unconventional route was through a site called 'Golganooza.'

Golganooza came up when I typed something like 'new author wants to get published' into a search engine.

What Golgonooza offered to do was read a large portion of my novel (I think it was something like 25,000 words,) my covering letter and synopsis, and to provide me with a critique from an unnamed professional- who worked in publishing or the media.

It came at a cost,of course, but there was a reward. If your work was deemed eligible for their 'Gold Medal,' Golgonooza would approach publishers on your behalf and represent you.

I next did what I always do when I come across this type of site- I Googled its name. It's always a good idea to do this when you come across any site which seems to be offering a shortcut to publication. Even better, Google its name with the word 'review' attached. There are a lot of helpful people out there, some of whom have successfully used internet services, some of whom have been bitten by them, who have reviewed them for those who follow.

For 'Golgonooza' I was glad to find press releases praising the innovative nature of the scheme.

Another thing to do, especially if a site claims that its methods have led to booksales, is to look for that book on Amazon. In this case I found a genuine bestseller which had been a Golganooza Gold Medal Winner.

So far so good.

To use Golgonooza's service was going to cost about £75.00. For that I would get a professional critique (far cheaper than any comparable service) and possible recommendations to publishers. The idea- and it was a good one- was that if Golgonooza considered something worthy of publishing they would approach publishers and save them from having to wade any longer than necessary to discover your gem in the midst of the 'slush pile.'

(The slush pile, by the way, is a derogatory term in publishing, given to works which stand no chance of ever hitting the shelves. I wonder if this also includes the odd work of rare genius which publishers won't touch because They won't be able to 'move' enough 'units'?)

So I sent off my submission- through the website- and looked every day to see if the 'pending' icon had changed to 'reviewed.'

About one month later, it had.

I found the review quite balanced, encouraging, and professional. But I didn't get a Gold Medal.

After another year of revision I had incorporated all of the Golgonooza suggestions and decided to submit it again.

I uploaded to the site, paid my money, and waited... and waited.

After about two months I sent an email, asking where my revew was. No reply. I emailed again. No answer.

I then had the bright idea of writing on one of their forums. Again, no answer. So I wrote messages under each separate forum discussion, asking if anyone else had not received their review. Eventually I wrote warning people not to subscribe, just to see if this would provoke a response. It didn't.
Then I saw it. The last contribution to be made to the site before mine had been... exactly one year before.

I suddenly felt like a character in one of those 'last man in the world' movies- 'the Omega Man,' or 'I am Legend.'
My words seemed to echo back from the screen as I wandered empty cyberspace corridors.
I went back each day, the loneliness turning to mania. I left posting after posting like some demented graffiti artist:

there's no one there, is there? And I'm going to prove it: I'm going to write ****, and ****, and **** on your website, and you won't take it off, because you never look do you?

And they didn't. Obviously the experiment hadn't worked- either there were not enough people wanting to pay for reviews- or not enough were achieving publication. I don't know, and there was nothing on the website to explain.

But then came the day that I went on to the site... and someone else was there. I felt a rush of incredulity and exctement, like Robinson Crusoe finding Friday's footprints on the beach.

It was a guy called Rory. He thanked me for alerting him to the fact that this was a dead website before he parted with his money. We wished each other well with our books, and went our separate ways.
I continued to leave threats of small claims courts. My friend, Darren, who is a debt collecter offered to track the owners down, but we decided it was too much trouble over £75.

I was about to leave my lonely island forever when someone else left a message. He recommended a new thing called the 'Frontllist.' Another way of getting to a publisher.

So, a little bit wiser and a lot more wary, I set sail for the new site.

About a year later, out of interest, I tried to find Golganooza again. It no longer exists.






* The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield was self published, as were Eragon by Christopher Paolini and The Storms of Acias by Dominic Took. Other well-known self-publishers include: Stephen Crane, E. E. Cummings, Deepak Chopra, Benjamin Franklin, Zane Grey, Rudyard Kipling, D. H. Lawrence, Thomas Paine, Edgar Allan Poe, Ezra Pound, Carl Sandburg, George Bernard Shaw, Upton Sinclair, Gertrude Stein, Henry David Thoreau and Mark Twain.





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You Too Can be Like Johnboy...

I remember watching as John Walton Junior struggled to become a published author.

'I've had so many rejection slips,' he remonstrated, 'that I could paper my room with them.'

Now considering that Johnboy grew up during the Great Depression, using rejection slips in this way sounds like a great enrepreneurial idea. So, as we face recession, here is how you too can cut down on the cost of decorating.

Firstly- you need the 'Writers' and Artists' Yearbook.' There's a new one out every year, and its articles do reflect changing trends. I'm still using the 2007 edition. I have a pact with it: when it helps me to sell my book, I will use some of the money to buy another one- and not before.

Writers and Artists has articles not only advising you on how to submit your work to agents and publishers, but also contains information on alternative forms of publishing such as self-publishing and print on demand.

But if we're honest, I suppose the overriding attraction is the information and addresses of agents and publishers.

It is generally recommended that you get an agent. Avoid anyone who asks for payment before you publish because real agents never do this. They will cream off about 15% of what your book earns, but because they live and breathe the world of publishing they will negotiate for far more than you ever could and save you from the pitfalls.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? The downside is that agents and publishers' prime concern is not purely to promote quality- it is to promote what will sell.
There is a clear preference these days for the single genre high concept novel, typified by Dan Brown, and a whole range of clones.

But... people get published- why shouldn't it be you?

Agents requirements vary. They will ask for about two chapters, a synopsis, and a covering letter- I won't go into any more detail here because the Year Book covers that. Just make sure that you give exactly what each agent asks for- not a page more or a page less.

Don't be fooled like I was into sending your submissions out one at a time. It can take weeks to return. I always send them in threes now. And you're better assuming that 'it' (that is your A4 stamped, self- addressed envelope) will return. It stops your heart from sinking too far when you hear it land on your mat- your returned extract, and more wallpaper.

The annoying thing about agents' letters is that they are standard. You don't know if your work just isn't what they are looking for, if it's almost good enough- or if it's irredeamable slush.
One agent's letter said that they received 300 submissions per week and only took on three writers... PER YEAR.

But they do take them on. So why shoudn't it be you?

One of the key characteristics at this point is tenacity. Believe in your work. Never give up. And remember-



a book is not just for bedtime: it's for life.




And if it takes you years to get published, just think of all that free wallpaper.

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Coming Out

So you are sure of who you are, and what you want to do. You know there's nothing wrong with it- you've been doing it for years for God's sake. All you have to do now is to tell someone.

You go over the scene so many times. You are in that familiar living room but the walls seem to press in and each breath feels like you are aspirating in a pool of warm sweat.

You practice the words, imagining the gasps, the incredulity... the laughter.

'Mum... Dad... Sweetheart... I've something to tell you: I'm... I'm... AN AUTHOR!

It's time to unleash your creation upon your first readership- your friends and family, which is not an easy thing to. You have laboured long and hard on this, it is your baby, you've grown attached, and will be upset if anyone tells you it's ugly. But be brave- better a friend tells you than a publisher.

So ask them to be honest, and to make any marks on the manuscript in a different colour to what has been used by previous readers. Ask them to comment on the plot, characters, anything they liked or didn't like. Ask them if they feel that it reads like something they would buy from a book shop, and if it doesn't, why not.

You will be surprised, regardless of how thoroughly you have revised and proof read your work, just how many typos and spelling mistakes will still be found. A spell checker will pass 'there' or 'their' as correct, regardless of its context.

I even say to people that if they get so far in and think that it's drivel to stop and give it back. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

Fortunately, so far, no one has done that. Remarks have tended to be very encouraging. As I sat watching a football match at the city of Manchester Stadium I got a series of texts from someone who just had to know that her favourite character would survive. As it turned out, Manchester City lost and the texts turned out to be the most enjoyable part of the afternoon.

(Here's an old football joke for you:
Football fan 1: City lost today.
Football fan 2: How do you know?
Football fan 1: It's Saturday...)

Don't feel obliged to make every change suggested by your readers. They, like you, bring their own presuppositions to the piece. But if several people make the same point this probably is a big indication that you need to rethink.

So go through it, making the alterations you agree with, remembering that each one may be keeping you that little bit further away from a publisher's rejection pile. If you think this sounds tedious, how must it have been before the invenion of the word processor?

When you eventually get published (oh yes, positive thinking is essential,) you might want to give the people who helped you a credit.

My book is a thriller, of sorts, so I made a point at first of only asking people who I knew read that genre. After all, they were doing me a service, so I wanted them to at least get some enjoyment out of it.I asked my Wife, my Father and Brother to read it, but not my Mother, as she wouldn't have got past the (necessary and appropriate) strong language. Which brings me onto another difficulty which you might find in sharing your work with people who know you...

What you consider to be your well-written and objective exploration of a neglected corner of the human condition may to someone who knows you come as an appalling revelation that you are a disgusting pervert with a mind like Satan's sewer.Don't laugh- it came as a great shock to Iris Murdoch's nearest and dearest that some of her subject matter was in her head, so it does happen, even to the best of them. I once told a colleague who had read my novel that a great deal of it was based upon real events. She laughed and asked me if I was referring to the scene in the factory toilet (at the beginning of Chapter 3, which you can hear on YouTube.)

So think carefully- is your work a processing of reality through your imagination, or is it a confession of your warped psyche and a series of clues about where the bodies are buried?

Depending on your answer, your next step will be to send a sample of your work to an agent (in the first case literary, in the second, government.)

And you though it had been hard getting to this point...

revijhion... revizeon... revision!

So, you've got something which looks like a novel. Well it's a big bulky wad of paper with words on it

(should be no less than 80,000 of those.)

Once you've worked out that what you're waving around isn't a phonebook, chances are you've got the first draft of your novel. But is it literature? And... will it sell?

Although you will be itching to get your masterpiece into the hands of a publisher, it can pay to put your work away in a drawer for a while before you commence revision. This way you can come to it with fresh eyes.

Approach it like it's someone else's work and be brutal.

This scene which took you months to write, does it move the story on, or develop your characters? If it wasn't there would anyone notice? You may just need to ditch it and not look back.

Is a passage economical?


Sometimes it helps to slow down the pace, to have a brief meditation or 'set piece.' Sometimes the information imparted could be passed on in a line of dialogue.

Does your prose flow? Does it have a natural rhythm? When characters speak,

is it believable that someone would talk like that?

Read your work out aloud. If you find you get tongue tied over a phrase, maybe it needs changing, shortening, or to have the order of words altered. Any sections about which you have doubts, try recording them, or get someone else to look. (Not that I could do that- I can never show my work to anyone until it's as good as I can get it.)

How many times do you revise? I'm with Hemingway on that one-


you revise until the day you go through it and you can find nothing else to change.


I think that this is a common trait of all successful writers, but how they approach this can vary from one to another. Rather than writing a novel then going through it and through it, Dean Koontz writes one page at a time. He will then revise that page thirty or forty times, before he is happy to move on.

I found a real difficulty with my revisions in that some chapters just didn't work in the person in which I had written them. I once turned the entire book from a first to a third person narrative. It didn't work, because my aim in having a first person was for him to be an everyman with whom the reader could identify in an unfamiliar world. I eventually decided to mix the voices. A common criticism of this is that it 'jars.' But several people have now read my text and not one of them- even the most critical readers- has even mentioned this.

A good example of the use of multiple voices is 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin.' There the change of voice is well indicated by section headings. If you are not going to do this you need to

make sure that the voices are sufficiently distinct,

so that from the first line of the new passage or chapter the reader is left in no doubt as to who is speaking.


In 'Tasting the Wind' I have attempted to do this by making Martin's narration a little more colloquial, and having him always speak in the present tense. Have a listen to the Prologue, which I added to the first posting on this blog, followed by the opening of Chapter One (below) and judge for yourself whether or not it works.

Structure: a beginning, a muddle, and an end.

At the Galleria dell'Accademia in Florence not only can you see 'David' but also several of Michelangelo's unfinished sculptures.

An assumption I had always held about sculpture was shattered the day I visited that gallery: I had always assumed that a sculptor would chip away at the front of his slab of marble, then gradually move round it, whittling it down to a figure. Not so Michelangelo- He worked from front to back- and the unfinished pieces look as if all you have to do is to break the remainder of the 'cocoon' from aroud them to reveal a complete statue.

Some writers work that way. Stephen King, for instance, starts at the beginning and writes until he gets to the end, developing characters and situations naturally as they emerge.

I don't think that I could write that way as long as I'd got a hole in my **** (or, for any American readers, ***.) I'm more of a potterer around the marble with my chisel sort of writer- I may start at the beginning, but in my mind I have scenes from the end or half way, and I need some sort of structure- loose as it may be- to hang the story on- a plan, an idea of major themes and significant scenes.

I don't mean anything too complicated, and it doesn't even have to be written- especially not on stone, so that once the characters start to find their feet they can run if they want to.

Having a structure can help when you hit the block- you might be getting bogged down with an earlier part of the story, but feel inspired by a theme which has flashed into your mind from further on. I would recommend that you go for that, write it (In these days of Word Processing it will hang around for you below the earlier pages until you catch up with it) then return to where you got stuck, refreshed with a dip into your creativity. Usually I go back to the sticking point after this and find that it is so below the level of what I've just been writing that I just delete it and start again.



And what about chapters and where to end them? Remember: each chapter MUST add something to the story- either in moving the story on or revealing something new about a character. If it doesn't, you might as well get rid of it. And try to end your chapters with 'page turners.' Although my last posting was partly a bit of fun, there is something to be learned from an aspect of Dan Brown's writing which is shamelessly parodied there. You get to the end of a Dan Brown chapter and there is always something there you didn't expect, or which makes you ask 'what happens next?' or 'how do they get out of that?'

To my mind, a lot of Brown's page turners draw too much attention to themselves for what they are, and I think that he produces tiny chapters in order to do this (Look at chapters 53-59 of 'Deception Point' for example.) But who am I to knock this? I have read and enjoyed all of Dan Brown's novels (with reservations about the DaVinci Code because I am a qualified theologian and know just how much he twisted the 'evidence'- but hey, this is entertainment, and his sales figures speak for themselves.)

The point is, if you want to know what a page turner is, just go through a Dan Brown novel and simply read the last line of every chapter.

And when you've done that, if you are a writer, go through the last lines of each chapter of your novel. Do they just fizzle out, or do they make the reader want to read on?

This is your homework until next time.